


Football-Jerseys Can Be Deceiving

by Fox_155



Series: Itaewon Backstreets [5]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bullying, F/M, Mentioned NCT Ensemble, Miscommunication, Trans Female Character, mentions of sexual situations of different kinds, mutual feelings but mutual dumbness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:02:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22399033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_155/pseuds/Fox_155
Summary: Mark kind of struggled with his best friend in short shorts because, apparently, his main thinking centre was not on his shoulders but between his legs and speaking of legs, he just found them very stare-worthy in women.It was kind of an issue because Dongseok surely wouldn’t appreciate it if she knew he kind of maybe found her hot.Oh lord. He couldhearher laughing for such silly thoughts over her.Aka Mark is just trying to make it as a rapper but has to go to uni to please his parents and Dongseok is his best friend and the only one know knows about his worries, dreams, and ambitions – just not his feelings for her.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Series: Itaewon Backstreets [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558024
Comments: 58
Kudos: 392





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t condone illegal activity, tax evasion, or anything else, but for the sake of the story, let’s all ignore our moral compasses here. I don't own any of the people and this story isn't by any means an accurate representation of the people by whom it is inspired by.
> 
> Me: I want to write different ships and pairings.  
> Also Me: writes the 10348905th Markhyuck fic
> 
> The prompt for this story stems from @10vely_yuta, who took a ton of time to write their ideas out for me only for me to then completely butcher them up, thank you! <3
> 
> Thank you to my Betas osakahoe and ookamicky. <3
> 
> As usual, I’d like to state that as a cis person myself, I’m always a bit worried about writing trans characters. I did research to try and do it justice (since I’ve only written trans guys before) and I also had my betas giving me feedback, which was very helpful. If there is anything that I wrote poorly, I’d love to know and improve. I don’t ever want to impose on knowing better and the sole reason why I wrote Dongseok as a trans girl was that I wanted to write some girls in Bambi-eyes and I know that there’s too little trans representation, and now we’re here.

#####

“Don’t you think it’s too explicit?” Mark raised an eyebrow.

It was a question he was constantly asking when writing with Taeyong. 

He needed to be stopped.

Like.

A lot.

If he’d let his friend to it, they’d not get gigs anywhere but in strip clubs. And those weren’t safe places. Mark had read an article on organised crime and how it allegedly was an issue in Seoul. Especially in Seoul’s nightlife.

So, that was definitely something to take seriously and consider. Mark was pretty sure he was safe from it since he had never even seen a mobster, but he wanted it to stay that way. Mafia and stuff sounded pretty dangerous.

“Why?” Taeyong looked up, his eyes big and round, perfectly innocent.

Their friendship was pretty unlikely. Or maybe not? They shared the same passion for rapping, but not much more, yet, Taeyong probably knew Mark better than 95% of the people he considered his friends.

Mark had met him through hitting him up on Twitter after listening to his Soundcloud.

Which was _very_ NSFW, but Taeyong had this way of rapping that had enticed him. His nasal voice sounded so completely on top of everything, Mark couldn’t not be intrigued even though the lyrics had made him blush at first.

He had grown desensitised by now. He even occasionally had one of these lines asking for pretty hard stuff himself. He didn’t write them, normally, but he could still make them sound good, right?

That he had only ever had had sex with his ex-girlfriend was a secret, obviously. Very tame sex, too. No whips, no ties, no blindfolds, not even toys or lingerie.

No one needed to know that, not even Taeyong.

Not because he was embarrassed, but because Mark would just prefer for this to stay private.

Okay, maybe, he was a little self-conscious, too. It’d be hard not to be.

He had walked in on Taeyong. Once.

He had never had any desire to have a dick in his ass but from how Taeyong had looked like his soul had been leaving his body, he had hesitated the smallest of seconds when his boyfriend had asked if he wanted to join.

He, obviously, had fled the scene very quickly but. Yeah. That was a thing.

The first time Mark had actually met Taeyong in real life, he had asked if he was playing a prank because it was like Taeyong switched personalities when he wasn’t performing. Or having sex. Those two had seriously blurred lines for Taeyong, so Mark wasn't really sure. He also didn't need to know more than absolutely necessary.

Turned out, he just had this duality to himself.

“Uh, I think that giving head is too explicit a line. It’s a really normal club in Hongdae.”

“Giving wrist?”

Mark didn’t know what giving wrist was. He pulled his phone out and googled.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Great!” Taeyong looked like Mark had allowed him to get sweets at the grocery store’s check-out.

Had he mentioned Taeyong was 4 years older than himself?

Yeah, things were always interesting with him.

“I can totally see it, I have a _great_ idea for choreography for this!” Taeyong’s pencil flew over his paper and if he had a tail, it’d be wagging.

Mark’s own paper had been blank all day.

Which wasn’t ideal, seeing how they had actually gotten themselves a gig this weekend.

He hated performing the same piece twice.

Not like much of the audience ever returned but… someone was always there.

He didn’t want to look lame in front of her.

“I can’t write anything. I think I’ll just go home,” Mark felt dejected but, some days, he just couldn’t. Forcing himself never worked out, whatever shit he’d end up producing would never see the light of day anyway.

Taeyong looked up, flow broken, and only now seemed to realise that Mark had been sitting there and basically watching him the entire afternoon.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Don’t know, I’m having a creative low, I guess. I think I’ll text someone and see if anyone wants to throw a few balls.”

Taeyong nodded, hair flopping around. It was bright green and it looked like a child had coloured it in but Taeyong managed to pull anything off. Maybe Mark should dye his hair, too?

“Take your mind off things, it’s only Monday! We’ll meet Wednesday morning in the studio for practice?”

“Yep. Have it booked and all, you just have to show up.”

Taeyong beamed and Mark was pretty sure he was quite straight but Taeyong was cute. He had always thought that. Not like he’d ever do something about it. But he appreciated his face. His beam was almost as bright as his favourite smile.

“Thank you! That’s really super amazing of you! I’m so excited for the weekend, see you then!” Taeyong waved as Mark left and he kind of felt inclined to wave back but he was a guy and, like, 20. So he didn’t.

Mark wasn’t far from the campus and he unlocked his phone, going into Kakao-Talk to scroll down his contacts, wondering whom to ask. 

His roommate was a huge nerd and also worked entirely too many shifts at the convenience store in Itaewon, that apparently paid better and justified going all the way, but he was a good player, so, Mark shot him a text. It didn’t get marked as received, meaning, it wouldn’t happen. 

Okay.

He also had his study group, the guys from the summer festival project, the barbecue group, the ones he went out with when he wanted western alcohol, the people from his own work at the bookstore just outside of the campus, as well as a few more acquaintances.

He asked some more of them but only negative responses.

Sighing, Mark turned from the street to take the shortcut.

He was friends with hundreds of people, but he wasn’t good friends with more than… one.

He should ask her, Dongseok. She’d nag and whine and then they’d end up playing football, but he just needed to do something.

Well. He _could_ study or do the presentation for Friday.

Yeah. No.

Mark had known Dongseok ever since his family had moved here from Canada in 2012, when he had been 13 and had to retake the year because his grades had not sufficed for his age group. Back then, it had still been choir and flute, not rapping, taking up all his time instead of school work but, essentially, it had already been the same thing.

So, Dongseok had been 12 then.

Mark had known Dongseok was a girl ever since he had been 15, she 14, and puberty had had them all suffering but Dongseok more than anyone.

She had just told him and then downed 1 litre of Fanta, shoved two hands full of chips into her mouth, followed by the entire big Mac. Then, Mark had finally managed to pull his head out of his ass and said that was totally okay because it was. He had asked her if she wanted him to change anything.

No, she hadn’t, but it still kind of had because it felt more natural to use female pronouns when they were alone.

So, yeah, they were long-term friends, so, obviously, she’d be the one he’d ask.

If no one was up for basketball. Dongseok didn’t play basketball even though it was, clearly, the superior ball-sport.

But speak of the devil and they shall appear.

“Yoooo Mark Lee!” a familiar yell came over the field he was just crossing and he jerked around, seeing someone wave wildly.

The evenings were starting to get warm enough to take off your jacket outside and Dongseok was in the familiar jersey of their high school’s football team, the bright red flattering her tan and making her beam look even brighter.

Mark’s favourite smile.

“Hey,” Mark was still a bit pouty over not having been able to write and even more over no one being free to play basketball.

But Dongseok was here now.

Her hair had gotten long. It reached below her shoulders now but was currently up in a messy ponytail. She kept kicking the ball up, catching it on her foot effortlessly each time it came down, grin mischievous, how it naturally was.

“You look like someone bought the last watermelon right in front of you. Come on, get rid of that lame-ass bag and be my partner,” she changed feet and Mark sighed but football was better than nothing. He checked his phone and saw that his roommate had replied saying he was sorry but he had to study. Which was exactly what Mark had expected.

Hopefully, someone looked out for that poor boy. He looked like the type to not have any friends at all, behind his huge nerd glasses and big sweaters that let him blend into the wall if he just tried. Mark had made several attempts to properly befriend him, but it felt like Jeno was set on just being like a cut-out of a perfect student, ready for capitalism to squish every last breath of joy out of him.

Well, it hadn't happened yet and there was still reason to hope for salvation.

Having a cut-out as a roommate also had benefits. He was super sweet and quiet, additionally, he was in the library about 5 nights of the week, soooo. Yeah. He just, occasionally, worried about him.

Mark was kind of bad at all things that involved balls, but football was the worst of the worst.

And Dongseok had very little regard for his physical well-being.

She pushed her elbow into his stomach and stole the ball right off his foot, going off the direction of his goal. He ran after her, throwing himself on top of her to stop her, and only just managed to get halfway across the field before she was there again, his ball gone and in his goal.

It was always like this and Mark’s competitive side hated it.

Especially since Dongseok laughed and rubbed it in when she scored.

Which, at the same time, made him happy for her. To see her smile. It hadn’t always been easy for her, after all. She was his long-term friend, the only one, pretty much. Mark made friends easily but usually kept them on surface level and lost them how he made them, without even noticing. 

It didn’t really hurt him. He didn’t need people to have deep conversations with much. He used his raps for that.

Dongseok was his one exception.

She was his weak spot.

So, Mark would always return for more re-matches even though he knew he was doomed from the beginning and hated that he was. Her beams and laughs kind of made up for it.

As they did this time.

After about an hour, Mark had managed to score one goal and she…

“14 to 1, aw, Markie, that’s so sad!” Mark was currently on the floor, head between his legs and mourning these nice jogging pants that had been new-ish but now looked pretty fucked because he had hit the ground so many times. Also, he was gasping for air.

Dongseok fell down next to him, using her jersey to fan herself.

“Next time, we play basketball!”

“Yeah, no.”

“Come on, at least we’re on the same level there.”

“Great, we both suck?”

Mark groaned and ruffled his sweaty hair. Gross.

“I’ll ask Mina and Seongwu, then.”

He turned his head and saw Dongseok’s lips grow into a thin, bitter line.

“You can join? I never said you couldn’t but if you don’t want to play, I’ll ask someone else?” Mark tried because he hadn’t meant to shut her out.

“Yeah. I’ll think about it. I’ll get going, I need a shower, I feel disgusting.”

And with that, Dongseok scrambled off the ground and picked her bag up, leaving without another word.

Mark wondered if she was upset? Maybe?

But why?

Maybe it had been just because of the basketball. He had already fixed that. It was probably fine, then.

He lost track of his own thoughts because he only now realised that… well, those were some pretty short shorts she was wearing.

And her legs looked good. Hot.

Mark quickly turned his head. 

Nope. No. Not doing this! 

He had told himself he was not going to make it weird just because Dongseok could finally wear what she had wanted to wear for maybe all her life. That decision had been made last summer when hot pants had suddenly become a thing and Mark had been faced – not for the first time – with the realisation that his childhood friend was… pretty attractive.

Obviously, she had been before, but it was just… different? Yeah. It was different. Her smiles were brighter, the make-up made her face look softer and accentuated her strong points, the longer hair suited her so well, and while her style was still casual and she wore plenty of her old clothes because she liked them and, hell, why not, it was different how they looked on her, now, that she was no longer trying to hide her body but felt confident.

Which led them right back to the short shorts.

Mark kind of struggled with those because, apparently, his main thinking centre was not on his shoulders but between his legs and speaking of legs, he just found them very stare-worthy in women.

Had he mentioned he was trying so hard to not make it awkward just because there was some potential attraction?

Because Dongseok surely wouldn’t appreciate it if she knew he kind of maybe found her hot.

Oh lord. He could _hear_ her laughing for such silly thoughts over her.

Yeah. No.

They were just friends.

Still, if he wanted to play basketball next time, he was going to ask his friends from the bookstore and invite her along.

Surely, he had misunderstood something there. It wasn’t like he couldn’t have other friends, right? Dongseok herself had plenty of other friends, after all.

Yeah. Totally.

When Mark returned to his dorm room, he was surprised to find his roommate there.

Okay, it shouldn’t be surprising, the man lived here just as much as Mark did, but, as mentioned previously, he was less often home than he wasn’t.

Also, “Oh my god, Jeno, _what_ is that?” Mark heard his own voice sound a bit screech-y and panicked but, well, Jeno was currently pressing down a washing cloth on his knuckles and there was blood down his chin, dripping from the lip. His hair looked like it had been styled at some point, which was unusual for him, and he was in a suit? Well, the suit needed a thoroughly cleanse and even then, Mark wasn’t sure it could be saved.

Jeno looked up and a soft smile spread across his face. His glasses were always making this crinkly-eye situation (the girls had said ‘cute eye-smile’, right?) he had going on even more prominent and he looked like he couldn’t harm a fly.

Well, obviously, he couldn’t. He was just a politics and economics major.

“Fell down the stairs,” Jeno explained and Mark shook his head.

This wasn’t the first time.

“Why are you so clumsy, you’ll hurt yourself seriously one day!”

“I know, I’ll hold onto the handrail next time for sure, I was just late and, yeah.”

Mark nodded.

Again, this happened a lot. It wasn’t like he was super close to Jeno or anything, but a man could worry for the safety of others, right?

“Did you have an interview?”

Jeno looked himself down as if he only now noticed the suit he was in. Hadn’t it been black the last time? Well, no, Mark must remember that wrongly. Why would Jeno have more than one suit? That didn’t make any sense.

“Y-yeah, I did. For… a workshop. It went well, I think. I’ll be gone for the weekend in three weeks from Thursday to Monday, just so you know.”

Mark nodded. Jeno did those a lot when he wasn’t slaving away in the store in Itaewon or the library. His resume was probably a wet dream for any HR office while Mark’s own…

Yikes.

Anyway, he was going to make money off music anyway, he was just here for his parents.

“Do you want to shower? I mean, we can share it, I feel so gross…”

“No, go first!” Jeno smiled and waved him off.

Right, Jeno didn’t shower together with people.

Honestly, he was the type of guy that Mark would naturally kind of want to take care of because he seemed to 1) need it and 2) deserve it.

But that would be kind of weird overall, so, Mark just took his towel, stripped his shirt and pants (rip, it was nice with you but now they’d have to go from day-wear to sports- and sleepwear) and shuffled into the bathroom while Jeno used a hand-mirror to take care of his face.

He looked like he had gotten into a fist-fight in some backstreet.

The comparison made Mark laugh under his breath while trying to adjust the water temperature. As if Jeno would ever get into some sort of trouble!

There were many things that Mark would have wanted for this early Wednesday morning. Okay, it was 10 am, but that was an early morning in his books.

One would have been to magically wake up inspired after having hung out with people all day yesterday and trying hard to find some sort of thing to write about.

Another would have been a satisfactory jacking-off session. While his dick had been achingly hard and twitching in his hand, needing release, his head hadn’t been even nearly as enthusiastic. It had kept bringing him back to essays he had due or presentations to do. Even the porn video with this really hot girl with gorgeous thighs, she was showing off riding the faceless dude under her, hadn’t helped him get into the mood quite how he would have wanted to.

In the end, Mark had somehow still managed to cum. Thank god he had because, by then, he had been kinda late. 

Still, even the orgasm didn’t leave him feeling relaxed and tingling with good nerves but kind of annoyed.

Which… just… was the worst. Come on, jacking off was not supposed to leave you cranky.

To make matters even worse, Taeyong limped, he fucking limped like he had broken his leg or something.

“Did you also fall down stairs?” Mark groaned and rubbed his eyes because they already hardly ever got a chance to show their talent and earn some money and now he had a creative block and Taeyong had hurt himself?

Great!

“No, why?”

“Because you look like you need to see a doctor and get a cast or something,” maybe he should focus on his studies and become a well-adjusted office worker…

Taeyong laughed, this weird choking dolphin-laugh he did but okay.

“I’m fine, don’t worry, Mark. Yuta got a really nice new toy. One with knots on the ends.”

“Knots?” What on earth was Lee Taeyong talking about? Why would there be knots on toys… AH NO! OH GOD, STOP, HE DID _NOT_ NEED TO KNOW.

Too late.

“Of the whip, you know? So they dig into your skin just right when struck with it? He used it on me for really long. I came twice because it felt so good. So, don’t worry. I also worked on the choreography during work yesterday, so it’s all ready to go!” Taeyong chirped and connected his phone to the Bluetooth speaker, starting to stretch himself.

Mark felt weirdly unsettled but also… was it maybe actually pretty nice to be hit?

Well, first of all, having sex with other people would already be super great but, yeah…

There was that.

Maybe he should look for someone to date?

He totally could, right?

He had just put his rapping first and thus never kept his eyes open…

Maybe, the sexual frustration was getting to him? Maybe being cranky from masturbation meant he needed to find a partner, ASAP?

“Did you figure your solo out? And the lines?”

Mark wanted to cry but he instead started stretching, too.

“No. I tried, I swear I did, but it seems like it doesn’t want to come to me.”

Taeyong looked like he felt for him and Mark was a little cheered up by that.

At least Taeyong was a really nice and chill partner to have, who wouldn’t stress when things just didn’t work.

They went through the monster of a dance that Taeyong had thought of. Somehow, his partner had not only choreographed but he also already perfected it as if this was just a walk down the street and the most natural and easy thing in the world.

Meanwhile, Mark was flailing like a baby giraffe.

Life was not fair and talent, clearly, not evenly distributed. He’d just have to accept Taeyong had control over every muscle and all that after his boyfriend had whipped and fucked him to the point of limping, mind you.

He was just doing his worst for the footwork, and about to ask Taeyong why exactly they always included choreo when they were mainly there to rap, when the door to the practice room opened and a head of chestnut hair poked inside.

Mark lost count immediately and Taeyong paused the music.

“Hi, sorry, I’m late. I had a seminary!”

Dongseok slipped into the room and closed the door behind herself. Her jeans were straight cut and her hoodie dark blue with a simple print on it, battered converse topping the look, but she… well, she looked great. She always did. Her hair really had gotten long. Today, she had pushed it back with a handband to keep her equally too-long fringe from her eyes, and there was a sparkling sticker high up on her cheek, which looked super cute.

“Don’t worry, we just got started.” Taeyong smiled and handed his phone over so Dongseok could be their DJane.

“Actually, you were spared the emotional trauma by hearing more about Taeyong’s bed activities, so be glad you came late.”

Dongseok looked up, eyebrows raised and grin on her lips.

“Did the prude jump back out?”

Mark rolled his eyes while Taeyong giggled so much, he couldn’t hold himself straight-up.

Dongseok usually watched their practices. She even sometimes came when they recorded or wrote, usually just in the background and giving advice when asked.

Her advice was always good.

One time, Mark had asked if it wasn’t too explicit for a girl. Dongseok had punched him and he had had that one coming. He had just been worried for her. She was his weak spot, after all. He wanted her to be comfortable and safe and protected.

When Mark had first started this, around three or four years ago, it had only been him and her. Back then, his raps had still been super-lame and she had usually told him so. It was just… normal, to have her there. It would have been wrong to send her away even though the lyrics had become more rated. She was just as much an adult as them.

Still.

It was always a bit more… nerve-wracking to know _she_ would hear him say things he hadn’t actually done - some never would want to and some maybe curious to try. It was always a bit harder to not make it awkward when his thoughts went just a bit too far in regards to whom to try with.

Because, once more, she was really attractive. Cute and hot, all in the ways that Mark liked in women. Could people be both?

Well, obviously. She was.

They kept going through it from top once, twice, countless times.

Dongseok’s voice and comments filled the emptiness in Mark’s head. The words just came to him, completing where Taeyong had left gaps, making verse after verse roll off his tongue as he improved and perfected them with every run-through they did, so they’d suffice for the stage.

So, inspiration was back and running, huh?

It seemed to be. By the time they finished, Mark felt accomplished and fulfilled, how only a good practice session, or a good gig, would leave him.

“So, like the, how many-th time was it, that Jeno hurt himself? The man either needs to wear an airbag at all times or he’s actually owing some gang millions and can’t pay up,” Dongseok still had her lunch break and so did Mark, but he had been supposed to meet the guys and girls he had gotten assigned to do a project with. So, Dongseok was coming with him now. No big deal. They did this all the time.

“A gang? Where did you get that from?” Mark laughed. Today’s special was pork belly. Yum.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I found out that Yunha’s boyfriend is the partner of Taeyong’s boyfriend and their shop’s kinda shady. Well, guess it’s okay since Johnny’s a huge, soft dork and Yunha’s ‘prince’, ew, excuse me while I throw up,” Dongseok mocked actually doing so and Mark laughed at her antics.

Yunha was massively into romance, as far as he knew, and so was her boyfriend. Both people Mark kind of knew, probably would consider friends because, well, Yunha was Dongseok’s best friend.

Next to himself? Maybe? He wasn’t sure how Dongseok referred to him.

“I think Yuta’s probably not too bad himself. Did you know his tongue was split?”

Mark had known that. It was sort of a thing to start small talk over. Especially when Taeyong did his version of ‘small talk’.

"But, yeah, they kind of have a lot of mobsters as their clientele. I knew that from Yunha but now it was refreshed and I might be developing paranoia since I suddenly connect every police report to gangs. Anyway. I've actually thought about getting my ears finally pierced. I'd think Yuta would do it well and not make fun of me in a hurtful way. I’m just not 100% sure yet."

That had been on Dongseok's list of things to do, once she'd be of age and have free decision over her body. Mark had sometimes helped her write it when she had wanted someone around, but even if she had written it in the privacy of her room, she had always let him in once she had felt better.

He had always tried his best to support her and he was never going to stop.

"I could come with you?" Mark offered.

He kind of thought Dongseok was a bit scared. Secretly. Which was why she still hadn't gotten it done even after more than a year.

"I mean, if you want. I totally don't care." 

Mark nodded. Well, if she didn't care then… he'd still come because he thought she was just trying to be cool. She sometimes did that. It was always a bit hard to tell when she meant it and when she was hiding behind fake-confidence, but Mark tried, so he could be there for her.

"Hey, Mark!" He was greeted when he slid his tray on the table, Dongseok sitting down right next to him.

She wasn't bad with strangers – neither was he - which was why this was never an issue. They brought each other when there was no reason to not. He just quickly introduced her and turned to his food, the recent results of the baseball league, and the literature on their list for review. It was like this with them. She was the only one he’d ever do this with because she was the only one he felt this comfortable with.

Who he had such a weak spot for.

Mark had not looked at anything for the project, he was supposed to do with these people, yet. He would. He was lazy and kind of hated uni but he still passed all his courses and would never be that person to let his group do all the work or, worse, blow their project up by never submitting his part.

Dongseok was much better than him at all of this. She excelled in her courses.

She also had to. Her life was going to be harder than his. It already was and had been. Mark knew and so did she.

But she was good, very good, and she was going to make it happen for herself, he was sure of that.

"So, like…" the girl that had sat down opposite of him leaned forwards and pushed her hair behind her ear. There was a row of sparkling stones in it. That looked kind of cool… "You're a girl, right?" 

Oh.

"No, sorry, you got that wrong, I'm a pudu," Dongseok chirped back, blinking her lashes. Mark knew she hated this and he reached out to pat her thigh under the table. Without any ulterior motives. He just wanted to show silent support.

"Chill, sis. I was just asking. Cute… whatever that is." She let her eyes drag over Dongseok's hoodie before turning away to chime back into the conversation.

Dongseok kept her smile and didn’t snap back, so she didn't seem to care even though it seemed sort of like a dig? But if she was fine, Mark was going to stay out of that. He didn’t need to make drama where no drama was, right?

"So, how about we do that Sunday and we can hit the road after?" One of the girls down the table loudly suggested.

Mark was usually the last to turn down going to party, but in this case, he would have to.

"Sorry, I have a gig. I need to be in Hongdae at 9:30 but I'm all game before that."

Hongdae was great for free artists, whatever genre, even whatever type of art they were doing. Most, if not all, of their invitations, to play, came from the hipster-ish clubs or bars in the district. Lately, there had been one or two in Itaewon, but Mark personally, preferred the audience in Hongdae.

Itaewon… well, it had the reputation it did for a reason. His thoughts went back to gangs. Yeah… those. Yikes.

"What are you doing there?" The girl with the earrings - her name had been Jinmi, right? – had turned her attention from her neighbour to Mark. Honestly, he could totally see Dongseok pulling off the type of sparkle on her ears. That’d look amazing, for sure. 

Should he suggest that?

Maybe not. He should probably stop staring at the girl. She didn’t seem offended but kept her smile, which was lucky for Mark. He’d rather not push that.

"I rap. I have a partner and we do that. If you want to have the link to my SoundCloud…?" He'd have to plug their portfolio wherever he could. If he wanted this to ever go somewhere, he couldn't be shy. He just kind of hated promoting himself in real life. It was like a border he didn’t think should be crossed.

"Really? Like BTS's Suga and RM?" She looked intrigued.

"Uuuuh… not really? I mean. Kinda?" 

"I'd looove to hear more of that!"

Great. Hopefully, she wasn't expecting KPop when coming to their account. That might be a very quick and unfortunate end to her career as their fan.

"Well, we can just go there, then,” someone suggested.

And with that, it seemed settled.

Which was kind of concerning?

As mentioned before, it was like a border.

The fans they did have, were online and maybe came to watch from time to time, but he didn’t know them in person. The Internet was also where Mark usually self-promoted. It was just a different world, the artist- and the uni-world.

Plus, Taeyong’s NSFW/BDSM/generally inappropriate and age-restricted lyrics.

Mark _had_ to make sure he actually had some proper raps, to be personally proud of, to deliver. He had something, but it could always be better, right?

“Mark, I came to study,” Dongseok sighed, rubbing her face. Her room was a single but she didn’t have a window and with Jeno almost permanently gone, she was a frequent and very welcome guest in Mark’s room, where she could soak up some sun without having to go as far as, for example, to see Yunha.

“I’m sorry, I just want it to sound good?” Mark flopped down on the bed next to her. He also still had a ton of schoolwork to do, including his part for tomorrow’s team meeting. He’d do it. Later. 

Jeno had said he was going to sleep over at his parents’. It was weird because Mark knew for sure he was an orphan but he might have meant someone else. He didn’t want to be insensitive and ask. It was Jeno. The worst that could happen was that he sweetened some elderly couple’s evening, right?

Mark could pull an all-nighter without bothering anyone.

Normally, Dongseok would put her head on his shoulder and he kind of wanted her to. He was sure it’d help him figure out this last verse if she did. Like she was some source of inspiration that had to dock onto him.

But she didn’t. Instead, she pulled her legs up. Her shorts were really short. And her legs looked really smooth.

Stop it!

“Why are you so obsessed with it this time?” she looked judgemental but also a little annoyed. Mark got it. She needed to study. He’d hurry.

“Because of the people coming. I don’t usually have an audience I know, as in, personally!”

Dongseok rolled her eyes and Mark realised there was sparkling stuff on her lashes. It was cute.

“Right, I don’t count? Who caught your fancy this time? Jinmi? You stared at her awfully hard,” her smile was mischievous and the moment she had sounded somewhat accusatory passed as quickly as it had come. Probably just his imagination.

He remembered staring at her because of her earrings. Dongseok wasn’t wrong, was she?

“She didn’t, what are you talking about? And you don’t count!”

“Thanks, Markie, really love that for me. Now, are you going to shut up about your perfectly fine rap or do I have to go to the library?” 

Mark stared at his paper.

It was probably okay. He couldn’t think of anything else, anyway, if Dongseok didn’t feel like putting her head on his shoulder and letting him smell her vanilla shampoo.

Was this already making it awkward? He sure as fuck never smelt his male friends’ hair. Also not his other female friends’. 

“Sorry. I’ll be quiet.”

“Good,” Dongseok let her legs drop back down and pulled up her book.

Mark should follow her example.

He really had to get his project on the road.

But he didn’t. 

He just watched how she highlighted passages and formulas and got a bit lost in that. He could smell her vanilla shampoo even from here if he just concentrated hard enough.

It was a classic scent, something that fit with everything, how Dongseok seemed to fit into his life everywhere. He knew it was often accused of being boring, but he didn’t agree. Especially when she wore it, it became interesting and unique. Everything kind of did. Everything she did was more important, more beautiful, more attention-worthy.

Because it was her.

Because she was his weak spot.

But they were just friends.

It wasn’t more. Mark was just a healthy 20-year-old. He found people attractive, especially women. It couldn’t be more.

“Why are you staring, Mark? Do my legs visually offend you?”

Oh no, they very much didn’t.

Mark felt his face flush and quickly looked elsewhere.

“No, they don’t. Just forgot to move my eyes,” he actually had, he didn’t mean to stare at her and make her feel insecure of herself.

“Well, good,” she huffed.

One time, he had complimented her. Told her she was very pretty.

It had been stiff and weird and dumb but she had put on make-up, worn a dress, she had stolen from her twin sister’s closet, and pushed a few pins in her still short hair for the first time when he got to see. 

It had been a burst of words because Mark just hadn’t been able to keep still when it had been so _obvious_ and _clear_ how amazing she looked, yet she had kept fidgeting and been insecure despite normally not being.

She had laughed and teased him. It had probably helped, but Mark had been mortified and also realised that it had been too much. She didn’t see him as that type of guy, the type she wanted to find her attractive. Mark wasn’t sure who was that type but… not him. 

Which was fine.

But he didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable around him just because it was different for him. He wasn’t some horny animal that couldn’t control himself, please!

He realised his eyelids became heavy but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to move or do anything but sit here and watch her and smell the vanilla of her shampoo while she was smart and beautiful, choosing him to go to because she knew she was safe here.

At some point, he must have dozed off and when Mark woke up, his cheek was squeezed against her shoulder and Dongseok was patting his other.

“Hey, lazy-bum. I wanna go home and sleep, too.”

Mark wanted her to stay but that’d be super weird. Very inappropriate, too. Not like sharing a bed was inappropriate but.

Things could be touched.

He jerked upright, feeling his face flush while he nodded.

“Remember your group project?” she pinched his cheek and…

“Fuck!”

So, yeah, Mark had pulled that all-nighter with two hours of sleep in the morning after he had finished the workload of three weeks in one night.

Pretty good if you asked him. 

He was still one of the group’s weak links but he didn’t _really_ care. He never did. He worked hard in regard to those things he did care about.

Like his rap.

Which was why he kind of didn’t appreciate finding Taeyong clinging to the one table in their changing room, bent over and with Yuta pounding into him from behind.

Mark turned in the door and slammed it shut the same second that Taeyong cried out as if someone had just found the holy grail of pleasure on his body.

Mark shuddered. Purely non-sexually. Of course. That had not done anything for him.

Anyway.

He wondered if the others had found their way inside well. It was still unsettling. He didn’t even know them properly but just them coming already made it a lot.

It was usually only Dongseok being here.

Here, where Mark dealt with his worries and dreams and ambitions, putting them into words that he didn’t normally share with his friends. There was no reason to open up to them, right? He had his rapping.

Nevermind the sexual stuff that he didn’t do and wouldn’t want people to misunderstand, right?

What better way to protect his privacy than putting everything out, for the entire world to hear.

It was contradictory, he knew, and it might actually be dumb.

Still, he thought if, maybe, he shouldn’t let the two mix – his private life and his rapping life. 

He’d rather only have Dongseok here. She was safe. Just how he wanted to be safe for her.

Well, he was definitely being dumb right now.

Especially since he wanted this to become big, he’d have to take the step eventually.

He found her in the crowd, easy to spot and distinguish because she always brought a sign, always a new one, always reading something slightly cynical but always thoughtful. 

Mark smiled her direction for a bit longer, how he always did.

Because she was the one he wanted here.

And when he couldn’t find her anywhere after he came into the packed club after their performance had ended, he couldn’t help but feel his heart sink.

“Dongseok? Nah, think she went home.” one of the girls shook her head.

Mark frowned. Home? Without even saying hi? She never did that, she actually always came to the backstage door. Always!

On the other hand, there were people with them here, today. It was probably different. He shouldn’t expect her life to revolve around him, right? She had told them she’d go home. It was fine, she didn’t owe him anything.

“Isn’t it weird, anyway?” one of the guys laughed.

“What?” Mark was confused.

“How she follows you around? I asked her if she even had a life because she’s always with you. Not like you date or anything that’d explain it.”

Mark shrugged.

“We’re friends, though.”

Maybe Dongseok had left so people didn’t think there was actually something going on. Mark could understand that. It kind of sucked but he got it. There were no feelings, right?

“Anyway, you were so hot!” Jinmi’s hand around his waist was confident and Mark’s thoughts returned to reality. Dongseok was her own person. She could do whatever she wanted to.

Best just let it go.

“Thank you?” Mark heard himself chuckle awkwardly because he didn’t get told that a lot. It felt sort of good.

“Really!” she was tight against his side. She was a lot shorter than him. Her breath smelt of alcohol and Mark guessed he should get something to drink, too. Taeyong drank before going on stage but Taeyong also did many other things, some of which Mark couldn’t even think of without his face burning up.

Taeyong would just talk about them as if it was brushing his teeth.

Mark had never known many things, such as silicone or water-based lube or the need to stretch before doing butt-stuff.

Well.

Now he did.

The shots were gross but Mark kind of liked that they were and did more and more when people kept suggesting it.

Jinmi seemed set on sticking with him, which was sort of fun because she was super pretty and didn’t mind when he played with her piercings to inspect them further - they were very cool and would look amazing on Dongseok - and also danced a bit.

Mark realised it wasn’t good manners to kiss girls drunk in the alley of the student dorm but he still did. Since she was so pretty and had suggested it.

It was also kind of nice, kind of hot, but not more.

When she asked if he wanted to take it further, he turned her down.

“You look like death warmed up, do you need painkillers?” Jeno’s eyes were wide and full of worry. He was a lot less adorable and cute without his glasses. Was Mark still drunk, that he now thought of his nerdy roommate as hot?

Probably.

“Might be helpful,” Mark croaked because his skull was throbbing and he had classes at 12. That wasn’t early, normally.

Today, it was.

Jeno had lots of things in his medicine bag. Lots of things packed in aluminium foil or in clear bags, that all looked nothing like safe over-the-counter drugs.

“You shouldn’t take ibuprofen on an empty stomach, though. You could get a tummy ache!” Jeno’s hoodie was too big and he had sweater-paws when he pushed his glasses onto his nose.

As if those things in questionable packaging were anything but perfectly safe medication, what the fuck was Mark thinking? This was Jeno!

“Yeah… no. I’ll take that,” because Mark felt sick from his hangover.

“Do you think you’ll throw up?” Jeno softly asked, opening Mark’s bottle for him to hand it over. Wasn’t he the sweetest?

“Nah. All good. I just don’t want to eat.”

So, Mark somehow stumbled through his Monday.

He only realised he had not heard a single word from Dongseok when he crossed the football field, late into the evening and almost hangover-free.

Which was weird.

She usually texted him something during the day and he’d reply and it’d snowball from there, or the other way around

They always met up. Every day. Unless there was some serious business.

Mark stopped in his tracks and pulled his phone out.

Admittedly, he had been kind of out of it, but that had happened before and she had still texted and met up with him.

What was going on? 

He opened her contact on Kakao-Talk and saw she had replaced her profile picture with a selfie of her and Yunha. Yunha looked cute, with her deep dimples showing, but Dongseok looked cuter. It was just a personal preference.

She had been online.

Thank god, so she had to be okay.

He should have asked if she had been, last night.

He hadn’t.

He sent her a text and she didn’t read it, she didn’t come online, nothing.

Mark frowned at the screen and waited another two minutes but nothing happened.

Dongseok was married to her phone. She always immediately checked it unless she was in class and her classes on Monday ended at 5 pm. It was 7 pm now and she had been online minutes before he had.

He added an apology for not checking on her last night when he should have after she had left. That he had just thought it was fine and so much had been going on.

Still, no reaction even after five minutes.

Okay… weird.

She might be studying. She usually still checked her phone but maybe there was something big and difficult to solve?

He nodded to himself and pocketed the device, crossing the field to get home.

He needed to sleep.

ASAP.

The next morning, Dongseok had replied.

Hours after he had texted her.

With three words.

_‘Yeah, all good.’_

Mark decided to get over himself and just texted back as normal. She might have been stressed.

She didn’t reply. He knew she was up at this time. She had been online when he had opened the chat but now she was offline and didn’t return.

Was he too obsessive? Probably…

When she declined his lunch invitation, he started to feel… weird.

They always had lunch together with the one exception being Wednesday when Dongseok had it with her girlfriends only.

Today was Tuesday.

Okay, well, it happened, no big deal, right? Why was he being so petty over this? It was just lunch.

Still.

She didn’t really take time to write anything.

Not a single picture came all day even when Mark sent her a funny football meme, she only sent one emoji back.

What the hell?

Why didn’t she tell him if she was stressed or feeling low? Mark was always there for her, didn’t she remember that?

Was she actually fine?

Had he messed up?

Why wouldn’t she tell him if he had?

This was just…

Wrong.

It felt wrong and bad and lonely and annoying.


	2. Chapter 2

Now there was this thing, where Jinmi was not talking to him at all during their meet-up and also had him blocked on Kakao talk, which meant he didn’t see her replies.

It was all just messy. He could really use some vanilla shampoo to sweeten his day.

At least Mina and Seungwu agreed to come to throw a few balls after Mark had finished applying for any openings to play a gig with Taeyong, on Wednesday.

“Come on, Mark, don’t give me that!” Mark sidestepped Seungwu, Mina’s yell behind him making him push harder to actually get the ball through the hoop of the basket.

Too bad Seungwu also wanted to impress her and also had a lot more skills, so, when the ball flew but only hit the edge, coming right back down, Seungwu grabbed it while Mark found himself knocked down.

It was fine, they didn’t have a referee and no one got seriously hurt. Mark faced worse injury when playing with Dongseok.

Who was kind of… ignoring him?

Great, his mood was bad again.

Mark scrambled up and raced after Seungwu. He threw himself between him and the ball to no avail other than now knocking into Mina. Both of them went down with yelps.

Those were boobs, that he felt pressing against his chest. Definitely boobs. Okay, stay calm, Mark. He had seen and felt boobs before, what the fuck, he wasn’t 13.

He scrambled up and held his hand out for Mina, who took it and let him pull her to her feet.

“Sorry Mark,” her voice was full of laughter and he let himself laugh along. And not think of boobs. 

“I’m sorry, I clearly was the one to take you down. Bad manners!”

“Glad to see you take each other out and just hand me the win?” Seungwu teased.

“Never!” Mina snorted and grabbed the ball from his hands, the element of surprise on her side.

But not her throwing skills.

It was still fun.

Even while Seungwu wiped the floor with them and made point after point while their team just got sweaty and dirty, but Mina was cool with just playing for the fun of it and not the win and so she didn’t care.

Mark simply couldn’t quite let go and just enjoy it. His thoughts kept going back to how football wasn’t that terrible and he’d definitely play it only to hear Dongseok’s voice.

It felt like there was this giant hole she had left right next to him.

She had been there, always, for years. No one else even came close to what she meant to him.

Just as a friend. A friend he was very attracted to.

Mina’s dorm was the same direction as his, so they walked the first part together and Mark tried hard to think of some topic of conversation that actually would make this better.

“You looked a bit preoccupied, Mark. Are you okay?” Mina’s voice was gentle and her eyes full of concern.

Mark didn’t usually talk much about his problems. He also didn’t have a lot of problems. 

Admittedly, this was a bit of one because now the one person he’d turn to, other than his art, wasn’t quite there. And it was weird. And wrong.

“Yeah.”

“Hmmm,” she leaned closer and Mark found his eyes stuck for a second. She was pretty, but completely different from Dongseok. He missed her… “I think you have something on your heart. But I don’t want to push you. I just want you to know I’d be here to listen, alright? I know you have a million friends, but… yeah. We’re friends, right?”

“Yeah!” Mark even added a nod because, of course, they were!

“Good. And friends can talk about their problems if they have any.” Mina beamed and Mark nodded once more.

They probably could. He didn’t usually, though.

Maybe she could help him, though. She was a girl, too, after all. Maybe, she’d understand Dongseok’s behaviour better than he did.

Or maybe not. Maybe he was just being sexist now. 

Mina had to turn to the left and she patted his back affectionately.

“I hope you’ll figure it out, okay? See you!” 

“See you. And thank you,” Mark waved for a second before realising he was a guy and those didn’t usually wave. What a dork.

For a second, he thought he saw Dongseok, right down the street. But he might just have started hallucinating now.

This was pathetic.

By Friday, Mark had just given up.

Dongseok, clearly, was annoyed with him but didn’t tell him what was wrong when he asked.

She had never done this before.

He knew moping wasn’t going to get him anywhere but he still did it.

Nevermind his group project was turning into a huge nightmare after he had told one of the other girls that he had never had an interest in Jinmi and that, apparently, had been the wrong thing to say.

Fine, not his issue if everyone wanted to be an ass and not let him read their messages. He had tried, he really had, to make it work.

This was just ridiculous now.

“I got a message from a club called Animal Kingdom, that said they’d consider us for their feature stage, but that’s Wednesday.”

“I have to work until late,” Taeyong nibbled on his lower lip.

Mark sighed. He wanted to tell Taeyong they’d have to compromise if this was supposed to go anywhere and he wasn’t helping.

But that was pretty dumb because everyone had bills to pay. This gig wasn’t going to do that for them.

“Right. There’s one called Killer Frost, up in Seongbuk. That’d be Sunday, even?”

Taeyong perked up, adorable smile on.

“Yes! Great!”

“Okay, I’ll write back to them.”

They were supposed to write. Dongseok was supposed to be here. It was Friday, for fuck’s sake!

Mark rubbed his face.

“So, I looked up the rates Spotify gives us and… I mean…they’re not super terrible.”

Mark nodded.

“What’s wrong, Mark?” Taeyong reached out and stroked a hand down his arm. He was really cute, wasn’t he?

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

Mark groaned.

Whatever, Taeyong probably knew him second-best in the world already.

“I think Dongseok is mad at me. I haven’t seen her all week and it all sucks so much. I mean, she texts me, but she has never time and it’s all so cold and… sucks.”

Taeyong’s mouth formed an o.

He looked a little too understanding of the situation. His hair was turquoise. It had been purple, last time.

“Maybe she needs some space?” he suggested.

“But why? Something must have happened, right? It’s never been like this before. It makes no sense. I’m not even annoyed anymore that she won’t just tell me. At this point, I’m just tired. I just want her to stop being mad.”

Taeyong hummed and shifted on his chair.

“I still think she needs some time for herself.”

“Did you talk to her? You sound like you did!” Mark narrowed his eyes.

Was he jealous at Taeyong now?

Very helpful…

Still, Taeyong squirmed guiltily.

“Maybe?”

“Did she tell you what was wrong?” Mark pressed. Why on earth had Dongseok talked to Taeyong? But not to him? She hardly even knew him.

Okay, that was a lie.

Taeyong was always there when they practised and wrote, and she came to help them with that. She did know Taeyong, of course, she did.

Taeyong was also gay.

So.

Why was he stressing himself out?

He was really being an idiot.

“Mark, I can’t tell you what she told me in confidence. But… you might need to check how you treat her?”

“Treat her?” Mark felt his jaw drop.

What?

When?

How had he messed up?

Taeyong pursed his lips.

“Well… if the girls you date are nasty to her… that sucks. It would make anybody feel unappreciated to be put second like that, right?”

Mark really didn’t date anyone, though…?

“That makes no sense. I always try to support her!”

Taeyong shrugged.

“I can’t tell you more. I think it was already a lot.”

“Oh… thanks… then.”

Girls he dated?

Who had treated Dongseok poorly?

How had he not been there enough for her?

His thoughts went back to lunches.

Well, yes, she did get a lot of comments. People questioning and invalidating her. It had come from people that Mark chose to hang out with before, admittedly.

But he had always made sure she knew he was there for her, right?

He couldn’t go and fight her fights for her. No way was that what she wanted, right?

She was so strong! Had always been!

Still, her not being there… her needing a break…

Her being disappointed that Mark hadn't stood up for her more might explain it.

It sucked.

It sucked even more because she seemed hurt by the girls that Mark might have kissed while drunk, or might have looked at twice because they were pretty, had nice boobs, or thighs.

It sucked even more because, and she wouldn’t know that, he always compared them to Dongseok in his head.

Because she was the gold standard to live up to. In character and in appearance.

And he had failed to keep her safe and happy and protected when that was the most important task.

His weak spot had gotten hurt.

And he hurt, too.

However, since Dongseok didn’t want to meet him and he had no place forcing her when she needed time to heal but he had to find out how to make it somewhat right again, he sought help.

From the only person he could think of, but also the best person to do this.

“Hi, Mark!” Yunha smiled and waved. God, it always looked so cute when other people did that. Well. Yunha was the epitome of cuteness. Today, too. She was in some frilly and lacey dress that made her waist look tiny and flared into a full skirt.

Not as cute as Dongseok, though.

“Hi, Yunha. Thanks for agreeing to meet up,” Mark wanted to make it up to her, show his eternal gratitude but he really sucked at all of this, so he couldn’t.

“Well, your reasoning seemed good or I wouldn’t have,” Yunha crossed her arms and gave him a pointed look.

Yikes.

Mark shrunk into himself in guilt.

“Come in, then,” she stepped aside and opened the door to her apartment wider.

Mark wasn’t going to complain when his parents were paying for his lazy ass in uni, but her family was so stacked, she comfortably resided in a two-room apartment while Mark only got dorms.

Well, on the other hand, he had the sweetest roommate, so. It was fine.

Mark stepped into the guest slippers. The ones with the baby chicks on them. They were as adorable as everything else. He always worried he was stuck in toxic masculinity when he wore them and felt oddly emasculated.

Well.

He probably was. It was impossible to live in society and not be affected at all. He was working on himself.

“Tea?” Yunha chirped and made a bee-line for her kitchen but Mark shook his head and sat down on her sofa. He had no appreciation for leaf-juice, sorry.

He smelt vanilla.

He wanted to cry just a bit.

Which wasn’t manly at all but mainly pathetic.

Yunha sunk down on the sofa next to him, putting her mug onto the tidy table in front of them.

“So?” she asked.

Mark swallowed. Yunha was cute and very sweet, but she wasn’t a pushover and was not going to spare him if she saw fault with his actions.

He had fucked up and was unable to fix it himself, so. He’d better suck it up.

“Right. Um. I think I hurt Dongseok. I know she’s mad with me for sure but she won’t tell me why. Taeyong said the girls I date treat her poorly, but I don’t date anyone so I just don’t get what that’s all about. And… well. I thought about it and I know people are sometimes pretty ignorant but I never thought it was an issue. That was poor judgement, I guess. As I thought about it, I see why it must be hurtful for her but I also don’t want to insert myself and… I just don’t know what to do but I hate that she’s mad with me, I want to apologise and change for her but… help?”

Yunha’s piercing look had softened considerably and she picked up her tea, taking a small sip while considering her words.

“So, well, I think you already concluded correctly. Which is good. I appreciate that and I’m sure Dongseok would, too. I know it might seem like we’re too thin-skinned and people always say looks don’t matter, but if you hear the same things and get the same questions every time you just leave the house, it gets really tiring. It might seem harmless if you hear it once, but it adds up.”

Mark nodded. Yeah, that made sense.

“And you two have poor communication, really. I already told her, but she’s in denial. It’s acceptable if you don’t want to play yourself up and it could even be unappreciated, so I don’t want to blame you for that since I think it’s not a bad approach. Still, you’re the type to just not talk and Dongseok’s the type to expect people to read between the lines. I’m still going to take her side and excuse her behaviour.”

“Okay,” that seemed fair. At least Yunha was letting him know she was now being biased and maybe he hadn’t done everything 100% wrong. He could appreciate that.

“Sometimes, it’s helpful to reconsider what she said and not just brush it off, how you tend to do,” Yunha added.

He sometimes knew what she meant when she hadn’t clearly said it.

“Maybe try and remember she gets all these comments a lot and it’d be nice to not have to always repeat the same things but have someone else normalise how the world is? And if they keep being gross about it… not hang out… if possible? Because they don’t really respect her and if you choose them over her… I mean… must feel kinda bad?”

Mark suddenly remembered many times during which it would have taken Dongseok longer to return the same words. That his annoying project group had asked her probably pretty mean things while he had been performing. So bad, she had left when she normally never did.

And then he hadn't even asked her if she was okay.

Wow. That had been shitty! Big time!

“I guess… I mean… urgh. I want to tell her I’m sorry!”

“I mean, you should. In this case. Well. From how I know you, I guess it’s just a clash of personality because you’re the type to shrug things off easily. But not everyone is like that and can just let things go.”

Right. That made sense.

The doorbell rang and Yunha checked her phone.

“Aha,” she muttered, “Just a second, okay?”

Mark guessed it might be the mailman or something.

Damn. He felt shittier than before but this had definitely been the help he had been looking for and needed.

Now, he’d just have to find Dongseok… maybe he should stop by her dorm. That might make the most sense. He could yell his apology through the door if needed. It’d never come across how he wanted it to if he texted her!

However, it seemed like there was no need to march past the reception desk with a smile like he was one of the students of the building in hopes of not getting kicked right back out.

“Seriously, 100% more sugar? Who’s that insane? I don’t want to judge but I have to. 100%, can you believe it?”

Mark jerked upright when he recognised the voice as none other than the light tone of the woman he was wanting to cry over.

“No, sounds diabetes-inducing, for sure. Go in already, I still have to get my mail, I’m expecting a bill I have to settle urgently, be right back.”

Wait, what?

Mark stared at the tiny entrance hall, from where he heard the door being pulled close and then l-locked?

What the?

His mental breakdown over Yunha literally locking him into her flat with Dongseok was interrupted by Dongseok coming through the door, a cup of pink bubble tea in her hand, sipping, and the elephant slippers on her feet.

Oh god, those were some SHORT shorts with some over knee socks to account for the weather, Mark was very weak for those…

“Mark?”

Right. Haha.

“Hey. Did she just lock the door?”

Dongseok turned around and her ponytail allowed light to catch on something on her ear. Crystals – from ear studs.

She had gotten them pierced!

Dongseok marched back out and rattled on the door.

“YUNHA! YOU THINK YOU’RE SNEAKY, HUH? WATCH ME HIDE ALL YOUR LUBE AND SEE HOW THAT GOES WHEN THE PRINCE COMES FOR NETFLIX AND CHILL!”

She sounded furious.

Like getting locked in with Mark, by a clearly very calculating friend, was the worst thing to ever happen.

This was going great.

Still, he should use this chance that Yunha was giving him!

“Dongseok!” Mark picked himself off the sofa and also waddled to the entrance hall.

Dongseok twirled around, eyes wide and face flushed from anger, but it wasn’t on her face anymore, her expression was…

He wasn’t sure. Not angry.

Scared, maybe?

Mark hated it. He hated knowing his weak spot unhappy and hurt.

“I’m sorry! I’m really, deeply, and honestly sorry for how I behaved, especially last Sunday when I didn’t check on you after my friends chased you off. And also before that, for making you put up with people who treated you poorly and never sticking up for you. I honestly didn’t realise how that was a problem. But I do now! I’ll change!” he dropped into a deep bow.

There was a beat of silence, another, another, Mark could count them if he listened to his heart in his ears.

“Did Yunha… tell you?” Dongseok sounded accusatory, even more hurt.

Mark raised up.

“No! I realised. Well, not everything, she did tell me maybe to not just always brush past everything but remember that it adds up for you and she also said I talk too little. I came to ask her because… Okay, I hate not being around you, I miss you, I missed you all week, it’s like a Dongseok-shaped hole and I know I fucked up but, please, believe me when I say I didn’t do it on purpose, I genuinely didn’t get it. I never want you to hurt, I want to be there for you. Always.”

Dongseok’s eyes had become a bit shiny and Mark felt even worse. Oh god, he couldn’t handle it when girls cried but especially not when Dongseok cried, it was awful!

“Shut up, dork, I was trying to get a distance, okay? Stop saying such sweet things, this makes everything worse!”

Wait, “What?”

“Okay, I know… I know you… urgh. I need a tissue, this mascara isn’t waterproof.”

Dongseok marched past him and Mark stared after her for a second, then hurried to follow because she started talking again.

“I know you don’t talk much, okay? It’s not news because I know you. I… was also being dumb for not telling you but it sucks, it feels really bad to ask you to speak for me because I can stick up for myself, right? I also don’t want to be annoying. Like. Too annoying. But… sometimes, I’d really appreciate it if you maybe… said something… good?”

She glanced up through her lashes and gently patted under her eyes and Mark’s heart suddenly stuttered in his chest, then started racing.

Uh oh…

Just friends, just friends, just friends.

“Y-y-yeah. Wh-when? I, um, I don’t, um, want to, um, overstep?”

Dongseok sniffled and nodded, then walked over and sat down on the sofa, collecting her thoughts.

“I’m not even sure myself,” she finally muttered. Mark carefully sunk down next to her.

He recalled what others had commented on.

Well, for always sticking to him when they were just friends.

But more.

For wearing ‘boys’ clothes’.

For her tan skin.

For not fitting the ideal standard of beauty for women.

For just being herself.

“Um, maybe tell them I really like your freckles because they’re cute? Or your hair colour because it suits you? Or, erm, maybe that you look best in bright colours and how they accentuate your personality? That oversized clothes make you look adorable – um maybe?”

Donseok looked up with so much shock on her face, Mark thought this had not been it. Damn it!

“You think that?”

It was like that time when Mark had told her she was very pretty.

It was like that time how she seemed to doubt everything when it was so clear!

Yet, it wasn’t because she didn’t laugh over his words and he didn’t feel like an idiot.

However, he did feel scared to say something too much. To make her uncomfortable. To make her realise that his heart was racing because, yes, he thought all of that and more. Much more!

“Yeah. I mean,” no, he wasn’t going to deny it! Not this time, “Yeah, I do like all that about you.”

Dongseok swallowed and nodded slowly, “Thank you.” She whispered and Mark wasn’t really good with this, but it felt like it would be good to hug her, maybe, “Urgh, I… never even knew and… you! Need to talk more!” her finger was suddenly in his face, “You can articulate yourself, I know that because I’ve seen your rapping for years now. Just… urgh, sorry, I’m being overwhelming again.”

“No. No! You’re right! But, sometimes, it’s hard to know what you mean, so, please, don’t leave me guessing when it’s something important?”

Mark took the hand that Dongseok was using to push the baby hairs from her face into the ponytail over and over, in clear distress.

It was like electricity sparked between them and his entire body started prickling.

“Okay. Yeah. I shouldn’t do that. Yeah. Sorry, it’s dumb to do,” Dongseok’s voice was small and shaky and so was her hand. Mark kind of wanted to let go because it made him feel shaky himself but he also didn’t.

He wanted to make things right so Dongseok could feel safe with him and be honest and rely on him.

Just… how?

The silence felt stifling and his eyes caught on her ears again.

“Did Yuta pierce them for you?” he asked before even thinking. It looked good. Cute. It fit her.

Dongseok’s other hand came up like an automatic reaction and a small smile spread across her face.

Mark nearly got lost staring at her. How was a simple smile so… much? So… beautiful?

“Yeah. I was kind of pissed and put that energy into finally overcoming my fear.”

So, that had probably been when Taeyong had talked to her. That made sense, suddenly. Mark should have saved his dumbass jealousy.

“It looks good.”

“Yeah? I really like it, too. Maybe, I’ll get more, now that it wasn’t even that terrible.” Their hands were still touching and Mark considered letting go but he still couldn’t, not before Dongseok was ready, before she was no longer sad and scared.

“That one girl had them down her ear. Urgh, no, I didn’t mean to remind you of her, sorry. I just… I just thought it’d look good on you when I saw that. Yeah. Okay, I’ll shut up now this is too much information.”

Mark closed his eyes, face burning in shame. He didn’t want her to think anything wrong, he had to watch his words or it would become uncomfortable. That was the opposite of what he was trying to achieve!

“The one you had a crush on?”

“The what?”

“Jinmi?”

Mark opened his eyes but Dongseok looked back with an unreadable expression.

She turned away, “Sorry, I was trying not to be annoying and here I am. Just forget it.”

“No! I didn’t have a crush on anyone, why would I…” oh, wait, maybe Jinmi had also thought that which was why she had been there after that gig and then her friends had asked her and… “Wow… yeah, I think there’s more things I fucked up.”

“You didn’t? I was sure it was that. You sometimes have this look on when you look at girls and I like to call it the crush-eyes,” she was trying to joke and seem nonchalant but she wasn’t. Mark knew to read her that much. She pulled away from where she had been holding his hand but not because she felt better, that was obvious.

Was she bothered by him possibly having crush-eyes?

That was absurd when over the last months, all he had ever thought when looking at others was how they just didn’t compare to her.

“Yeah, I think you mistook that, I don’t usually waltz around crushing on random people,” Mark muttered. He couldn’t explain why. Again, they were just friends and he wanted to stay friends and not scare her off. He had it under control.

Not right now, but generally.

When he glanced over, Dongseok was staring at him already, playing with the tissue in her hands. She held his gaze. Her eyes were really pretty. She had these small puffs of fat underneath them, that made them look even softer. Now, there was also a bit of black under them, but it didn’t matter. She was still beautiful, a bit of smudged make-up didn’t take away from that.

“Mark, listen, there’s something else. Pretty… big. Which is why… maybe… I just have to tell you. I can’t not, it’s not going away and it’s ruining my mood on a regular basis and I’d rather… have it in the open.”

Mark felt his stomach sink. This didn’t sound good.

Maybe, she thought he was behaving creepily and needed to call him out on it?

He had tried his best, had he still failed?

He couldn’t help how he felt, it didn’t go away – and that would mean her issue also wouldn’t.

How should he fight what he couldn’t?

He wished he could ask her to just not say it.

That would be selfish and rude. If it was an issue for her, he had to fix it.

She was his weak spot, his number one priority.

“Right. Um. I’m in love with you. Like. Romantically. Just so we’re clear. Have been for. Longer. Okay. Yeah. Glad to have that out there.”

Mark tried to comprehend.

What?

Dongseok?

Was in love?

With him?

But it also ruined her mood and, oh, well, she thought he was crushing on other girls all the time and… yeah, that must be a mood ruiner, he remembered being jealous of Taeyong. Tae-Yong!

That had sucked!

She was not creeped out by him finding her attractive?

Wait, did she find him attractive? Well, probably, right?

“Okay, yeah, I’ll go and call Yunha. It’s okay, you can tell me you’d never in this life…”

“Me, too!” Mark gasped out.

Oh.

Ah, well.

Yeah, he had never even admitted it to himself, but only because he had thought there was absolutely no chance of it ever being reciprocated.

“I’m in love with you, too!”

There.

The cat was out of the bag.

Now what?

Dongseok stared at him as if Mark had turned into the cat, that he had just let out.

Shouldn’t this be good, though? It totally should. She loved him, he loved her… happy ending?

“Are… what? You… how? I… since when? I never realised!” Dongseok finally stuttered.

“Well, neither did I!” Mark was just as much overwhelmed by this!

Dongseok squeezed her own face, then looked at Mark again.

Still insecure and not how he wanted her to be – happy, protected, safe.

But she loved him. She had risked a lot to say it first.

So, Mark took a chance and closed the distance between them until their thighs were touching. He grabbed Dongseok’s hands, including the used issue, of course, and ignored how his skin seemed to burn up from the simple touch and held on.

“I just want you to be safe and happy. Always. But I didn’t realise I could be part of that like this and I was worried it’d make you uncomfortable if you knew. I… never want that, really, just… damn, really, Dongseok, you’re so incredibly pretty and witty and fun and just the whole package. There’s no one like you. Not even close!” Mark paused. He felt very vulnerable and exposed, “I feel like I overshared.”

“I feel like you’ve never said so much on end without it being about music,” Dongseok hickupped and squeezed his hands tighter, “Fuck, I’m such an idiot for just making up my own story when you’re actually easy to read. I’ve been in love with you for so long, I don’t even… no, I do know, remember when I was fouled during my first football match in 7th grade and was taken off and sent to the nurse because my entire leg was scratched open?”

Yeah, Mark remembered because that had been horrific and there still were some slightly lighter spots on Dongseok’s leg from that.

“That long?”

“Yeah, I know,” Dongseok hid her face by hanging her head, “It was kind of on and off because I had my own stuff but… there’s a lot to like. Just the fact that… you… want me… safe and… happy… and that’s really sweet… and… yeah.” Her shoulder shuddered with her sniffs.

Oh god, Mark couldn’t handle it when she cried. He tried to free a hand and rub her back but she held on and looked up.

“So, when we had that ice cream after and you said I matched vanilla and I was offended because vanilla is the lamest and most basic bitch out there, but you said that vanilla is actually the one everyone knows and everyone likes, like me, and that it has subtle sweetness that balances out everything else and has to be there with every other ice cream?”

Mark swallowed. He kind of remembered but it was a bit blurry. It hadn’t been that important, to him. He had just liked vanilla.

Like Dongseok’s vanilla shampoo.

“That’s when. Yeah. I just thought you saw me just as a friend and I was scared because… well, the girls I thought you like are always super short and pretty and also have nicer boobs and long hair. How could I compete?”

“What the? No! Okay, I think I really want to kiss you and hope you forget all of that and realise that I find you the most beautiful!”

Dongseok’s face flushed immediately and Mark’s face was also burning, kind of.

“Okay. We should. Try that.”

Mark had definitely kissed girls before. Many, even.

Never had his heart been thundering how it was right now, loud in his ears.

Dongseok’s skin was impossibly soft under his fingers when he cupped her face and her eyes were dark and beautiful, letting him forget everything else and get lost for a moment.

Then they were too close to keep staring and her eyes fell shut a second before his.

Her breath smelt of strawberry bubble tea, that had to be melting somewhere, but it couldn’t be helped.

When their lips touched, Mark felt like he got electrocuted again. It ran over his skin and made his hair stick on end. Dongseok’s hands suddenly grabbed his arms and she held onto him while slowly moving her lips against his.

He had never thought this was ever going to happen. Not in a million years.

Now, that he had it, he never wanted it to end.

He kept kissing her, slowly growing more comfortable, gently running his thumbs over her jaw.

Today had been the first time he had said it. To himself and to her, too. All in one.

Now, that he had, he couldn’t stop thinking it.

I love her.

I love her.

I love her.

“Are you killing each other? I didn’t hear voic- holy smokes!“

The kiss was suddenly broken and Mark immediately mourned the feeling of her lips against his.

“JUNG YUNHA!” Dongseok screeched and jumped off the sofa, away from Mark. She had her slipper in her hand and threw it to where Yunha still in the living room door, making her squeak and run.

“EXPLAIN YOURSELF!”

“I wasn’t canoodling on the sofa! I did my job and well at that!”

“COME RIGHT BACK!”

Yeah. Mark loved her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Twitter: @155Fox  
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/Fox_155)


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